the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
