Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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