ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize