Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
