I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
