I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
