Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
