My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
