I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize