I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
