you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
