i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
