I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
