I'm going to jail i love you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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