the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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