I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
