He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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