When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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