i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
