I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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