Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
