I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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