Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
