I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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