Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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