i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
