If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
