when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
