the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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