I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
