i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
