did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
