I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
