How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
