You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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