part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
