If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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