I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
God, I missed his penis.
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