Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
