so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
