Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
