thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
