I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize