I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
