I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize