I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
