Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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