so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
