I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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