If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
me + whiskey = a bad person
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
