I will die if light touches me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
