I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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