there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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