Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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