We tried having a conversation with our noses.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
