i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
