Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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