It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
