He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dear god my vagina.
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