my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize