Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
