I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
