I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
