Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
