...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
