captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
