Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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