matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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