I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
