I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
