Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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