He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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