every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
