You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
