I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
