For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
