If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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