um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need to calm my uterus...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
