those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
