I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
