I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
