Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
