to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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