You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
