How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
