Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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