so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
