Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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