I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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