we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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