Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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