so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
