i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
