ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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