Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
