We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
