GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need moral support for this bender
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
