and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
