btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
