Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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